Thanks Pooja, but probably not

SEO companies, SEO firmDear Pooja

Thanks for your email, titled “SEO Proposal!” received on Friday. Upon careful consideration, I have decided not to pursue this opportunity further. I have provided my feedback below.

1.     You addressed your email “Dear Web Owner”. I regret to inform you that I do not own the web. Don’t feel too embarrassed, you are not the first to make this mistake – in fact, I get that all the time. For some reason, people regularly mistake me for the group of organisations, corporations, governments, schools, private citizens and service providers that collectively own the web. I think I have the same hair as them.

2.     I was very alarmed by your second and third sentences (one of which was presented in bold so really caught my attention). You say “While studying your website I couldn’t help noticing it lacked any significant ranking in Google - for any of your keywords. As you already suspect, this means your site is virtually invisible to potential customers searching for a supplier in your field.” This scares me Pooja on many levels. Like how did you know what I already suspect? And where did you get my keyword list (who’s the mole in my company? Do I need to issue a P45?)?. But my main area of concern here is HOW THE HELL DID YOU FIND MY WEBSITE? Seriously Pooja, as you’ve pointed out yourself, my website doesn’t rank in Google. It’s "virtually invisible". So what I want to know is, what kind of black magic did you use to find my website? This is genuinely terrifying, as I’m sure you can understand. Because, Pooja, if you can find my site, imagine all the other people out there that might be able to find it as well. Jeepers Pooja, it’s an horrific thought that leaves me feeling exposed and vulnerable. Do you have any tips on how to protect my websites from searchers like yourself?   

3.      You’re clearly one of the leading experts in your field (as your choice of Comic Sans font in blue and red sizes 10 and 11 for your email demonstrates). You must run one of the world’s top SEO companies. I can’t wait to find out more Yet Pooja (you’re going to feel really silly for this!), you accidently emailed me from your Gmail account, and forgot to include your SEO company’s website in your email footer. Don’t worry, I’ll just go to Google and search “best SEO company” and I’ll find your website in the number 1 position. I can’t wait, I have so much to learn from you Pooja.

Thanks again for getting in touch. While it didn’t work out this time, I feel our paths will cross again.

Kind regards

Heather Baker (not THE Heather Baker, world famous owner of the Internet)

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